Lara Croft Tomb Raider

I always thought it was a bit sad how some lads got hooked on Lara Croft who is - let's face it - a mere computer generated character, albeit with inordinately perky boobs and a taste in hot pants that even Kylie would deem immodest. And besides, I've always been more of a Ms. Pac-Man sort of chap myself.

But now here comes Angelina Jolie, perfectly cast in the film. Angelina has attitude - by which I mean she looks at men like she's about to shag 'em or stick 'em between two slices of bread. She walks through this film, lips parted, snarling, like she's about to have an orgasm any minute, but she's not too happy about it.

This should appeal hugely to the legion of Angelina-addicts I know are out there. Not me. Because I've never really gotten into Angelina - she's always looked to me like she needs a bit of a bath. Still, I have to give her credit for this film, she carries it off like the star she undoubtedly has become.

As for the film itself, it's pretty much a collection of action-movie cliches, but none the worse for that.

An ancient civilisation created this thing, see, which is like, this Ultimate Weapon. Then they broke it in two and put it on opposite sides of the Earth. (Don't you HATE it when Ancient Civilisations do that?) Anyway, in order to retrieve the two halves, Lara has to team up with her arch-enemies while also trying to stop them using the - uh - thingy - for their own Evil Ends.

Along the way there are lots of fights, crumbling tombs, falling masonry, ancient curses and nasty backstabbing baddies. It's not as fast and furious as I would have liked, because people keep trying to Explain Things. I wish they wouldn't do that. "It's not worth it!" I wanted to shout at the screen, "We don't care! Just blow something up!"

So, much like last year's X-Men, this is a half-decent Episode 1 of an action summer blockbuster. Not bad, not great, but definitely the making of Angelina Jolie who's obviously relishing every moment. If only she would bathe more.