The Bachelor

Everything about this turkey reeks of poor quality foodstuffs. A silly idea can work if enough care is taken on preparation. Which is worse - knowing what's going to happen, or not giving a damn? Try both. That's what you have here.

Ever since Batman & Robin, Chris O'Donnell has been moving into weightless comedy. He has trimmed his hair, toned his pecs. No-one can say the guy looks bad. No-one can say he's not likable. Problem is, do you care?

The perfect Hollywood pitch is one sentence: "Confirmed bachelor has to marry within 24 hours or lose his inheritance." Great! Try Jim (Carrey). Call George (Clooney). See if Hugh (Grant) has the time. "Chris is on the other line. Wonders if we have anything frothy. He's looking to shred those pretty boy roles." Chris who?

Jimmy (C O'D) loves Anne (Renee Zellweger) and also loves being free (quick flash of wild stallions). Anne loves Jimmy (sort of) and thinks that after two years dating, it might be time to move on. To what? Ball-and-chain? His grandfather (Peter Ustinov, slumming it) insists that Jimmy looks after "my genetic material", since his son, Jimmy's dad, did a poor job. Marry and multiply is the message, although the old goat accepts that wedded bliss is a figment of the imagination. When he dies (minutes later) and his will is read (minutes after that), the billiard table business, plus $100million in change, are Jimmy's if he finds a bride before he's 30 (he is 29 years, 363 days).

He rushes off to Anne's and messes up the proposal. She goes on vacation to Greece, except she doesn't. He checks out his old flames. There's always something wrong. The clock is ticking. A priest (James Cromwell) accompanies him in a stretch limo, in case a quickie ceremony might be required.

Will Jimmy find Anne in time? Or will he marry a dog? Will the billiards factory be saved? Is it all about money? Is Chris big enough to carry the movie? Is the movie worth carrying? Is Chris worth carrying? Chris who?