Reno 911!: Miami

Don’t call. Hang up.

Bring back Police Academy.

Hollywood hits a new low.

Words fail. Hope sinks. The will to live falters.

Joke notes: masturbation, hot pants (male), big bum (black), breast tattoo (white), peeing probs (female), whale explosion, bad sex, worse driving.

Storyline: the Reno Sheriff Dept is a catastrophic collection of losers, led by Lt Jim Dangle (Thomas Lennon), who is gay. They are invited to the American Police Convention in Miami. When they get there, they discover they are not on the list and can’t go into the big hall with the real cops. They man (and woman) the 911 phones at the local station instead and make a complete hash of everything.

Laugh? You’ll cry. (You may die)

The level of humour is first grade lavatorial and despite three writers (names withheld to avoid embarrassment) it feels like improv. There isn’t such a thing as a well honed one-liner, or a scene that doesn’t make you want to curl up into a ball and ask to be kicked.

The actors are not funny. Perhaps with a better director and a decent script they might have passed the giggle test, but it is hard when the only gag in town is too stupid to repeat.

What is more worrying than the lapse of taste by Danny DeVito’s Jersey Films is the ending when Dangle opens a letter inviting them to Scotland Yard. Does this mean – omygawd! – a sequel?

If no one goes to see this, Danny might cancel Reno 999!: London. Please, in the memory of Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy, walk away.

The future of comedy hangs in the balance.