Oliver Twist

If I have to sit through another adaptation this autumn I will poke my eyes out with a fork. Admittedly, this sense of ennui is all my own fault for having learned to read novels and go outside as a child, instead of getting fat on a diet of chicken nuggets and the intellectual stimulation of magazines and computer games.

This is not a remake of Oliver! the musical. The once controversial Roman Polanski has finally succumbed to the establishment and produced a nice costume drama that he can watch with his children, two of whom have cameo roles. It's all right, if a bit mundane and chocolate-boxy. I probably wouldn't have been so bored if it wasn't all so familiar and routine.

The children who play Oliver and the Artful Dodger put in decent performances. Fagin is pitiful and slightly creepy. Bill Sykes needs a good wash and a shave and a few lessons on how to look sinister. Nancy has a very nice red dress, which I covet.

I don't care enough about this film to write any more. Which says it all really.