Love, Honour And Obey

What's the story? It's hard to say. It's kind of the story of Johnny (Lee Miller), who wants to be a gangster, and Jude (Law) his friend who is part of an underworld family lead by Uncle Ray (Winstone).

Uncle Ray doesn't want to be a gangster any more. He wants a farm. And a beard.

But hang on - it's also the story of a gang member who is having trouble, er... trouble - downstairs - ah - his nuclear submarine is having trouble surfacing, if you catch my drift.

Then there's the adventures of the (almost) terminally unlucky Alan. Oh yes, and Uncle Ray is getting married to an actress despite opposition from her leading man.

Then there's the gang war. Did I mention that? Well, there's one of those too. The Sarf London boys versus the Nawf London mob. Mind you, that's Johnny's fault - he stole their percy, hoping to provoke a fight.

This is an entertaining film, but it's all over the place. It's got an episodic feel about it, like the cast were making it up as they went along. Also, it's very silly. This isn't entirely a bad thing - the "erect Arabs" made me laugh so hard I squirted hotdog mustard all over my pants. However, it does give the film a "Carry on Krays" feel to it which makes it impossible to take seriously. Also, those pants were clean on.

Well, the obvious comparison is with Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, against which this film doesn't come off too well. There are loads of great actors in this film, none of which have very much to do. Jude Law looks tanned and dodgy. Sean Pertwee is very cool, belting out the theme tune to "Fireball XL5" on the karaoke.

But I couldn't get away from the feeling that this film was just made for a laugh by a bunch of people who fancied farting about playing at gangsters. It's cool, it's funny, it's entertaining, but very inconsequential.