House Of Wax

If House Of Wax didn't mark the big screen debut of Paris Hilton, would anyone have heard of it?

As an Eighties-style remake of a Fifties B-movie, there's little else that's interesting about this cliched and silly slasher. Even so, it's not horrible. By staying within the boundaries of genre convention and firmly resisting any temptation to be innovative or original in any way, the Hayes twins have written a film that delivers every scare bang on schedule. It's satisfying in the way that a pint of Tennents is when you really wanted Magners.

Two carloads of students, heading to a football game, stop off and camp in a field that smells of death and decay. Before long the group is split by a broken fan belt and the carnage begins. Paris and the SUV gang drive off to sit in traffic; Carly and her boyfriend Wade hitch a lift from a snaggle-toothed roadkill collector to the nearest sinister ghost town, whose chief attraction is a waxwork museum.

In the tradition of doomed teenagers in all horror movies ever, Wade insists that "closed" means "come in and poke around", and they discover that not only are the life-sized models made of wax, the actual building is too. As the sculptor's evil twin sons hunt down the cast one by one and turn them into exhibits, bland Carly and her pseudo bad boy twin Nick try to escape with all useful limbs intact. There are too many twins in this and not enough talent, which makes a sequel inevitable.

I was so convinced that this would be a celebration of all that is bad in acting, effects and screenwriting, that I'd made up some really lame jokes about Paris's waxen performance well in advance. Yet, she has nothing to be ashamed of. Not with regard to her acting, anyway. That penchant for dressing bald rats in sequins and leather is a different story altogether.

There is nothing very special here - nobody is dreadful but nobody is any good, either. The last 10 minutes are quite fun and if you like this sort of thing, well... you will like this. It's a natural successor to Jeepers Creepers and uses many of the same tricks and possibly some of the same props. Nonetheless, I was quite pleased when it was over and I could remove the coat from over my head.