Antichrist

I suspect Adam Guzinski is aiming for a Lord Of The Flies vibe with this tale of out-control kids, but the relentless scenes of tiresome pre-teens farting about in a quarry make it more like a cross between the Children's Film Foundation and Dr Who.

And that's not good Dr Who, because this is truly yawnsome stuff. There's a siren blaring occasionally and a smoke machine off camera - I think that may be a low-budget apocalypse. Who knows? There's no scene setting.

The story revolves around four boys. One seems to be the leader, wittering on about being a demon, the antichrist, and forcing the others, with the power of a big mouth, to do such devilish things as riding bikes uphill on pain of death - isn't that the Tour de France? - and running across ash. Two follow happily, one looks reluctant, but goes along with the tomfoolery. I won't give away the ending, as correctly predicting it could be the most fun you'll have - don't think for one second you won't spot where this is going after five minutes. The message seems to be that the world will end, not in fire and ice, but in tedium and brats.

I imagine the four semi-clad boys in vests will make this the Paedophile Hit Of The Year, but otherwise there's nothing here worth entering a theatre for - stay in the bar a bit longer and savour the carrot cake, eh?