Aliens Vs Predator - Requiem

A predator ship is infected by an alien parasite and crashes in Colorado. A warrior leaves the predator home world to clean up the mess. Meanwhile ,the inhabitants of a small town start falling prey to the aliens.

I like chocolate and I like pickles so a chocolate covered pickle would be a good thing, no?

So it is with the Alien Vs. Predator franchise. I like Alien movies and I like Predator movies so a fusion of the two should be a good thing? No.

Ridley Scott and James Cameron turned the Alien series into a heart-thumping phenomena. John McTiernan managed to propel a B-monster movie vehicle for Arnie into something special.

Over the years the concept spawned assorted games and comic books, culminating in the Alien Vs Predator hybrid movies. The concept is inherently hokey and has always smacked of desperation remiiniscent of the days when Universal attempted to breathe new life into their horror movies by tossing in Abbott and Costello to diminishing effect.

However, there's always an enjoyment in seeing HR Giger's slimy alien munching people, and I resigned myself to trogging along to the cinema to see the latest entry.

The sequel takes off, or rather crash lands, right where the earlier instalment left off and before you can say xenomorph, aliens are happily reproducing all over the place. A bunch of hapless humans are sketched in, a pair of ne'er-do-well brothers (Steven Pasquale, Johnny Lewis), a returning soldier (24's Reiko Aylesworth), the beleaguered town sheriff (John Ortiz)… all of them labeled "alien snack". The film has a disturbing and pleasing lack of scruples about who gets eaten or impregnated.

Back on the Predator home world, one of the toothsome hunters gets the call, jumps into to his wheels and sets off for Earth like a malevolent 24-hour plumber. This Johnny-come-lately predator also seems a bit vague on his priorities, he seems to be trying to cover up the mess his buddies left but then starts making his own problems. Perhaps Predators are just not very bright.

All this adds up to a rotten day for the humans whichever way you look at it. The members of the cast try hard to elevate themselves above the level of tasty alien food, but no one gets enough screen time to register a decent personality - the two brothers reminded me somewhat of the two bro's from Supernatural which might not have been a bad thing had they had even a fraction of the charisma. One of them is called Dallas... if this is a homage fine, if the character is supposed to become the ill-fated captain of the Nostromo then the plot has just taken on several bizarre Back To The Future style paradoxes.

All the successful Alien and Predator movies are textbook in their use of suspense buildup, AVPR neglects this and just rattles from one incoherent action scene to the next. This is an annoying trend with all current action movies - action scenes must be filmed with a shaky hand-held camera with oodles of cuts, preferably in the dark. To add that little extra something to the confusion - the two main adversaries look alike.

On the plus side, the gratuitous violence is, well, gratuitous...The aliens and predators, when you can see them, look fine. The CGI is kept to a minimum, although some of the burning building shots are incredibly unconvincing?

A hoped for battle royale with the military never comes to fruition, a handful of National Guard show up and, well, you can probably guess.

All in all, a disappointment, but an expected disappointment at least. Alien 3, Alien Resurrection and Predator 2 are looking better all the time.