A Shot At Glory

Sport is difficult at the best of times. To be good you have to train. To train you have to be dedicated. To be dedicated you have to give up the rest of your life.

That's not the problem with Kilnockie FC. They're a boring bunch anyway. They have an American owner (Michael Keaton), who chews gum all the time and threatens to export the team to Ireland, and a Glaswegian manager (Robert Duvall) from the old school, who won't talk to his daughter, Kate (Kirsty Mitchell), because she married a Catholic.

The plot follows the traditional pattern - little club makes good in cup competition - with all the Local Hero accessories. The manager's son-in-law, Jackie McQuillan (Ally McCoist), an ex-Celtic star, is bought in to boost their chances. He drives a sports car and behaves with the arrogance of a once famous person.

The sub plots are pure soap opera. Will the old man learn to forgive and forget? Will Jackie change his ways and spend more time with Jackie Jr? Will Kate behave like a normal person and stop thinking she's Cleopatra? Will the American reserve goalie (Cole Hauser) keep his nerve for the big game?

With the exception of McCoist, the players don't have a clue on the park. The acting isn't much better. Keaton is raw energy and makes everyone else look tired. He gives a lead performance in a minor role.

Duvall is crippled by an accent that lurches from Partick to Dublin and back again. His body language speaks to Cincinnati, rather than Sauchihall Street. This is the film that has mattered most to him since he wrote and directed The Apostle, yet there is nothing here that rises above the ordinary.

It makes no sense that a little club from the North West of Scotland, playing in the lower leagues, should attract a foreign owner and an American goalie. Also, Duvall is too old for the part. It is interesting, although not surprising, that Brian Cox, as the Rangers manager, is more convincing.

McCoist has nothing to be ashamed of. His acting is as fluid as his footie skills.