Outlaw

When you think about it, thinking is not what Nick Love does, judging by his contribution to the commentary track and the Making Of featurette. He’s a banter boy, using insults as a reverse form of affection. The result is a barrage of f-ing and blinding, all good natured underneath, of course, if you’re switched into the Souff London argot, but hardly educational.

The audio commentary with Love and Danny Dyer is a waste of anyone’s time. Love rages against critics who dared attack Outlaw for gratuitous violence. He calls them “broadsheet c**ts,” amongst other, fruitier expletives. When they realize that the second Mr Bean - that's Rowan, not Sean -took six million quid in its first weekend, they go spare. “People don’t want to think. They want to sit there and be numb for two hours. They do not want to be provoked!”

If Love (previous outings The Football Factory and The Business) obsesses about geriatric reviewers pontificating about young men’s films, Dyer bangs on about his double chin – infinitely less obnoxious than his foul mouth. “Fuckin’ drives me crazy!” They talk about Weight Watchers and Dyer says, “I don’t eat much, me.”

Love lives in the country now. “What I really like is chewin’ on a cucumber bap,” he tells Dyer. Eating roughage means “less headaches and regular shits.” They discuss bowel movements for a while.

Dyer has been, or is about to go, to Hollywood, which makes Love laugh. “Do your American accent,” he taunts. Dyer gives him a couple of sentences. “That’s not American,” Love says. “That’s fuckin’ Welsh.”

They return to food. “You know you can die from eating a dodgy oyster,” Dyer says. “Coming up from Soho I had a panic.” Later, he tells Love about asparagus and how to cook it. “An hour later your pee stinks something rotten.” Laughs all round.

Reluctantly they mention what Love calls “this stupid fuckin’ film,” which he happens to be very proud of. It cost a couple of million, which is peanuts in the world of action pictures and shot almost exclusively at a studio they built in a timber yard in the country. The exteriors of London were bought as a job lot for £500.

Is that it? Pretty much.

Love praises his actors by insulting them, especially Sean Harris who plays the security guard – “This skinny c**t is fuckin’ brilliant!” They named him The Bomber. He wanted to sleep on the set, Method style. “He looks like a fuckin’ kestrel,” Dyer says.

Love is bored of this commentary bollocks.

“When’s your baby due?” he inquires.

“Fuckin’ immanent,” Dyer says.

And then they are on to something else.

“Who would win in a fight? Guy Ritchie or Nick Love?”

The Making Of featurette continues in the same vein, as with “He’s a Millwall supporter, not a fuckin’ West Ham c**t.” Love and the actors talk to camera. It is mainly complimentary and forgettable. Sean Bean says about Love, “He’s a one-off. I can’t imagine working for anyone like that again.” Judging by his expression, he is not being ironic.

Outlaw Video Diaries has a weapons expert, a costume designer, Love and Dyer talking about what they do. Love is taking the piss, as usual, although does point out that Outlaw depicts “Blair’s legacy – Middle England turning on itself and going berserk.”

The Rave And The Riot goes into some detail about a club sequence, followed by a street fight with police, all of which is edited out in the final DVD cut.

The Big Hitters’ Diary briefly interviews many of the punters who laid out £100 to help finance the film and become extras for a day. They had a good time, they said (“A lot of hanging around and then frantic activity for two seconds”). The best bit is the wedding scene when the actor playing the vicar keeps fluffing his line, while Love and his mates are wetting themselves laughing.